Catastrophe No Jutsu
by Kaki-kun
Summary: What… if… our favorite Sharingan users and masters of Sexy no jutsu… get stuck in their forms…? Why do the names Sachisu, Kashike, Nazuki, and Konobi sound familiar? It looks like the boys are going to have to call for backup after all! How long will they
1. Chapter 1

Summary: What… if… our favorite Sharingan users and masters of Sexy no jutsu… get stuck in their forms…? Naruto, Konohamaru, Sasuke, and Kakashi are about to find out the horrors of being a sexy woman… Inspired from the game when Kakashi and Sasuke can use the technique :3 Drabble that wasn't even attempted to be written to satisfactory measures. Deal with it. Rated for cussing and some sexual refrence -cough obvious cough-

Chapter 1:

It was any other day in Konoha… no, wait, it wasn't. Since Kakashi was late beyond normal acceptable hours and Sakura was coming down with the flu, the worst possible thing had occurred.

Naruto and Sasuke were alone. And livid from waiting so damn long.

So it was to be expected that they were sparring away the time and their anger until their sensei showed up. What other genin rivals wouldn't?

"You don't know a single ninjutsu other than Kage Bunshin, do you?" Sasuke retorted while dodging several kunai knives thrown at him and disappearing behind a tree. Naruto growled and created more of his copies to surround the prodigy.

"Wanna bet," Naruto snickered while bringing his hands together to form the seal of the tiger. "Henge!"

Poof! There stood the mighty sexy no jutsu form of Naruto before him, long blonde pigtails swaying in the spring wind and orange bikini bouncing with new "treasures". Sasuke's eye twitched momentarily, what breed of idiot was this? Someone had to make a documentation one of these days.

"Big deal dobe, any pervert could have come up with that." The women's face contorted as she grounded her teeth.

"It's not as easy as it looks!"

"I'll take up that challenge," Sasuke muttered while turning his Sharingan on and clasping his own hands together in the same very seal, immediately erupting in a cloud of smoke.

"Yo." Kakashi appeared in a tree just as the smoke began to clear, revealing another women with deep blue pigtails and navy bikini. Sasuke snorted at Naruto, ignoring her sensei's sudden appearance.

"Ha, easy." A vein appeared on Naruto's forehead.

"No fair, you have the Sharingan!" Kakashi continued to stand there and blink at the two, first at Naruto and then at Sasuke.

"I assume this is the technique Sarutobi-sama was taking about…" Both women looked up to him startled.

"YOU'RE LATE!" Naruto screeched at the top of her voice.

And then, it happened.

Without any warning, Naruto's other clones exploded into smoke and disappeared into the wind as another pop of smoke blew up from all around the three shinobis.

The next thing they knew, everything was silent and motionless again, as if the chaos and hell that had just conspired was merely a genjutsu.

Naruto blinked and swiveled her head around, her blonde locks tangling with her face. Finally assuming she messed up the clones in some way, she glanced back up to her sensei to nearly fall over dead in laughter.

Kakashi was also in sexy-no-jutsu. Navy mask in place along with the green bikini two-piece, long silver hair accommodated in two pigtails, and the same shade of nail polish as the outfit trimmed on her fingers and toes. Her Sharingan eye twitched.

"What…!" She started but slapped her hands over her mouth in surprise, not expecting the gentle feminine voice to be present. A tiny blush could be seen from around her mask.

Meanwhile, Naruto was busting her gut and rolling in the grass. She never thought her sensei was _that_ perverted! And even though she was the one who created the technique, she didn't think a jounin, a respectable and highly known jounin, who mastered over a thousand _useful_ and powerful techniques like Chidori, would pick up the move!

"Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke and I were just comparing moves, why'dya copy it," She burst through her fit of high pitched giggles.

"I… I…" Kakashi stuttered while wrapping her thin arms around herself and hunching her head down. "I-I've never felt more naked in my entire life!"

Of course this only fueled the Kyuubi bearer's gut laughing.

"Okay, I think I've had enough of this," Sasuke muttered while pressing her hands together once again. She waited for the smoke to billow and form her regular body.

But nothing came.

She blinked a few times, turned her red eyes down to her body then to her hands.

"Hahaha, and you say _I'm_ the idiot? At least I know how to get out of it!" The blonde boasted while a fox like grin spread across her face. "Fine, since you seem to be so helpless, I'll teach you Sasuke-CHAN," She slapped her hands together into the seal and also waited.

But nothing came.

Naruto looked up at Sasuke, then at herself, before staring at her hands.

"Um…. Sasuke? Naruto?" Kakashi mumbled in concern while hopping down out of the tree and onto the ground. "What's wrong?" Naruto's large blue horror-stricken eyes turned up to her sensei.

"I… I can't release the jutsu…"

Sasuke smirked.

"What the hell do you mean, baka? You said you knew how!"

"I do know how to release, it just won't," Naruto snapped back. Sasuke frowned.

"That's why I'm still in this…" They looked over at Kakashi.

"Hey, don't look at me, I didn't even _do_ the hand seals to transform! I just did!" Sasuke raised a thin eyebrow.

"You just…did?" Kakashi nodded feebly. They all glanced around at each other for a few more seconds before the real shock sunk in.

* * *

Somewhere in her bed, Sakura sniffled and reached a weak hand over to grab a glass of water when suddenly…  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!"  
The glass shattered in her hand as she cringed. Sheesh, couldn't a sick kunoichi get some rest without some psycho girl running around the village screaming at the top of her lungs?  
Then again, she probably just saw Sasuke for the first time.  
Forgiving whoever they were in the back of her mind, she cuddled back under the covers to dream of a mysterious raven haired boy.

* * *

But, sadly, that mysterious raven haired boy wasn't exactly a boy anymore.

"WHATDOWEDO WHATDOWEDO WHATDOWEDO!' Naruto shrieked while grabbing onto her pigtails and freaking out. "AHHH!"

"C-Calm down, Naruto," Kakashi put her thin hands around Naruto's shoulders and blushed at how delicate everything felt. The horror. "M-Maybe we could try transforming into something else like a shuriken then release it!" Sasuke nodded and slapped her hands together.

Nothing.

"UWAAAHHHH!" Naruto bawled while burying her face in Kakashi's exposed shoulder. "We're STUCK!"

"Naruto, why don't you make clones or shadow clones? You might be able to do it as a group," Sasuke tried to cheerfully suggest but ended up snorting in the end. He should have NEVER listened to that moron. A mistake he swore he wouldn't make again.  
Naruto hiccupped and put her hands together one more time before falling to her knees in hysterical sobs.

"I-It just won't GO!" Sasuke turned to Kakashi as she tried to rub Naruto's shoulders.

"Well? Any other ideas? You're the jounin."

"I…" Kakashi rubbed the brimming tears from her Sharingan eye irritably before looking back up at her student miserably. "I don't know."

"Oh gimme a break," Sasuke growled while rolling her eyes. "You two are even _acting_ like girls! Stop crying!" Kakashi continued rubbing her left eye while glaring up at Sasuke with the other.

"Yeah, well then, what's the great Uchiha's brilliant plan?" Great Uchiha? Since when did her sensei address her as that? Why was Sasuke suddenly the only one with half a brain cell? She was utterly confused, at the very least her sensei shouldn't be acting like this.

"Look, if you two calm down I'll explain my plan." Naruto sniffled loudly and picked up a large leaf to blow her nose on.

"Wh-What plan?" Sasuke sighed angrily.

"Stop sobbing like a girl and I'll tell you," He repeated. Naruto bit her tongue and rubbed the tears off with her arms. After a minute, her shaking breaths drew calm once again. "Good. Well, I don't have a plan-" Kakashi and Naruto's eyes narrowed at her but she continued anyway. "But I know we can't make one with you two getting all emotional about this." Kakashi sighed in agreement but sadly Naruto chose not to listen to the last part.

"Shut up jerk, this is all your fault I transformed!" Sasuke's red eyes glared daggers at the blonde as she clenched her fists.

"My fault! MY fault! You're the moron who MADE the move!" Naruto stood back up and glowered at the raven haired women.

"Yeah but I wouldn't have used it if you didn't challenge me!"

"I wouldn't have challenged you if Kakashi-sensei wasn't late-" Both genin paused mid argument to realize where it had taken them and turn their steaming heads to Kakashi. Instead of just shrugging them off as normal, Kakashi pouted under the mask.

"I wouldn't have been late this time if Pakkun hadn't decided to bury my headband somewhere!" Bunching her fists, she added, "And I wouldn't have transformed if I had my headband covering my Sharingan!"

"Summon him," Sasuke barked dangerously. Kakashi nodded, bit her thumb painfully, preformed the hand seals boar-dog-tiger-monkey-tiger and slapped her hands onto the ground, making the spot implode with smoke. The tiny pug appeared as she sucked her thumb with tears in her Sharingan again.

"Owie…" Sasuke blinked at her sensei then just shrugged it off. Everything was weird enough, why not?

"I'm needed," He asked before jolting and backing off upon noticing the murderous eyes of the two genin. "What the…!" Naruto lunged to strangle but Kakashi grabbed the dog and hugged him against her chest, apparently unaware of what their intentions were until that very moment.

"Wait, no, don't hurt Pakkun! He doesn't know better, he's just a cute little puppy," She sniffled. Pakkun would have complained about being called a puppy when he was obviously an adult pug… but he was too busy squirming against Kakashi's breasts.

"K-Kakashi?" He yelped in shock. She looked down and blushed madly while releasing the animal.

"I-I-I'm sorry!" Naruto and Sasuke glanced at each other.

"…KILL THE DOG!" Naruto shrieked in a war cry and leapt at the animal. But Sasuke wailed her on the head, causing her to skid to a halt face-first in the ground.

"Dobe, look at him!" Her eye twinkled in suspicion and did so. "Kakashi-sensei's right… he _is_ a cute little puppy," Sasuke cooed while scratching him under the chin. "Aren't you Pakkun? Who's my favowite puppy?"

Naruto's jaw hit the floor. Kakashi only wrapped her arms around herself again and began to cry about being so exposed.

"Oh lord," Naruto gasped as she twitched. "We ARE turning into girls…….WHATDOWEDO WHATDOWEDO WHATDOWEDO WHATDOWEDOOOOO!" Sasuke shot a glare at her.

"Shut up and calm down!... Aww, you're so _adorable_ in that little outfit!" Sasuke squealed.

Naruto fainted.

Kakashi curled herself in the fetal position.

And Pakkun continued to be rubbed behind the ears lovingly.

* * *

It took much longer than any of them had expected to wake up Naruto, pull Sasuke away from Pakkun, and have Kakashi stop fretting about being in a bikini.

Finally, everything was calm again.  
Well, as calm as it could possibly be with three previously male shinobi.

"So, what now?" Naruto asked while rubbing her orange nail polish absent-mindedly.

"We can't tell anyone." Kakashi confirmed seriously.

"Not even Iruka-sensei? But we were going to have ramen at Ichiraku tonight," Naruto whined. Kakashi's eyes stared down at Naruto treacherously.

"Naruto, you see, what you did before you became a genin is trivial. But from now on, whatever wrong thing you do, whatever little incident that the village finds out about, every little flaw you have will be weighed by the time you become a candidate for the next Hokage. And you know what the elders will do, Naruto?" Naruto gulped loudly and shook her head.  
"They'll look at all the perfect scores and completed missions and say-  
"Hey, this kid got stuck in his sick-joke-of-a-move when he was a genin, he can't be the Hokage"  
"And they'll throw your victories and lives you've saved riiight out the window because they don't _really_ care about that, they only look for those who've never screwed up their lives or their careers but have enough experience… they only look for people like, ahh, I don't know… Sasuke?" Naruto's pupils were the size of a pin as she shakily turned back to Sasuke in rage. Sasuke blinked in a bored fashion.

"What?"

"I'LL KILL YOU!" Naruto leapt up and wrapped her fingers around Sasuke's neck, causing her to gag and kick her in the stomach. Kakashi put up her hands and tried to pry Naruto off of her.

"N-Naruto, relax, I was joking about Sasuke!" Pakkun blinked at them while shaking his head slowly.

"Tsk tsk tsk… all because I buried your headband?" Kakashi snapped her head back at Pakkun and snorted.

"That's it, no kibble for you!" Pakkun frowned.

"Hey, I want my kibble!" A passerby stopped and stared at the two women clawing at each other and the other trying to pry them apart for quite a while.

"…BIKINI CAT FIIIGHT!" He bellowed at the top of his mighty lungs and before any of them could look at the fiend, they were surrounded by ogling men and even some women. Naruto, being the oblivious blonde she was, continued to try to give Sasuke a black eye. Fortunately, Sasuke could multi-task and block her attacks while snarling at the people.

"This isn't a production, get lost!" Kakashi stepped nervously back from the two while feeling their eyes pierce threw her already exposed skin. This was like worst fears and nightmares all rolled into one terrifying reality! She had to get away!

"Y-Y-Yes, p-please leave us a-alone…"

"Shhh-ure will, shweetie," A man slurred as he reached out behind her and…

Pakkun gasped. Some men and the other women gasped. Sasuke blinked. Naruto didn't even notice. The man grinned.

Kakashi twitched as her eyes lingered down to his hand firmly groping her ass. Immediately turning five different shades of red and even one of violet, she spun around and slapped him across the face.

"EVERYONE GO AWAY NOW," She screamed out the best she could without dying from asphyxiation. The women and two men turned and left. The rest just continued to hoot and whistle as Naruto tried to lay the smack down on Sasuke.

"You'll never take my Hokage status!" Sasuke huffed and pulled one of her ponytails violently.

"I'm not trying to dobe!"

"OWowowowowKakashi-senseeeiiii Sasuke's cheating!"

"You kidding! You were trying to gouge my eyes out with your claws!"

"Who wants to place a bet the raven haired chick'll win?"

"Are you alright, Kakashi?"

"Eh, I dunno about that, the blonde's got a lotta vigor and a pretty nice rack!"

"Oh hell yeah, think maybe I can get her in bed sometime?"

"Yeah right, she'd kick your wussy ass in five seconds!"

"That's… it…" Kakashi rumbled while slapping her hands together and twitching. Tiger-monkey-boar-tiger! "Katon, Goukakyuu no jutsu!" She growled while taking in a deep breath. Naruto, Pakkun, and Sasuke looked up startled and quickly got out of the way just in time before the giant balls of fire were hurled at the men.

"Oh shit, Kakashi-sensei snapped," Naruto gawked while nervously moving behind a tree.

"Hey, that's my technique," Sasuke pouted.

"I have a feeling no one's getting kibble tonight," Pakkun whimpered. The burnt bodies fell to the ground as Kakashi breathed heavily.

"ANYONE ELSE WANT A PIECE OF ME!"

"I'll have a leg," one of the burnt men winked, despite the ash coating on his body. Naruto, Sasuke, and Pakkun glanced at Kakashi and slowly backed away as she continued twitching.

"…You want a leg? You…_want a leg_?" She walked over and peered down at him eerily before screaming. "I'LL GIVE YOU A $(#($ LEG!"

And she proceeded to brutally maul him with her foot.

"…How much you want to bet she'll stop reading Itcha Itcha Paradise?"

"It's a good ROMANCE novel," Kakashi added while continuing to kick him in the side.

"…Okay, I think we get the idea, no one needs to find out about this," Naruto summed it up. "I don't want to lose my Hokage chances."

"And I don't want my brother finding out about this." Sasuke clenched his fists.

"Or your fan girls," Pakkun added.

"...Yeah that too."

"And Kakashi doesn't want to ruin his image." The dog looked down at the ground and sighed.

"_Her_ image," Naruto corrected as Sasuke chimed in.

"You mean the image of a raging woman beating the snot out of a man even though the man is secretly enjoying the view he's getting of her?"

"PERVERT!" Kakashi kicked the man so hard from hearing Sasuke say that he flew twenty feet in the air.

"…No, I mean the fact he's know in almost every land as- oh I give up," The pug huffed while lying down on the ground.

"Aww, poor wittle buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo!" Sasuke scooped him up in her arms and kissed him on top of his head where his headband is.

"That's disturbing, can we just find someplace to stay until this is over?" Naruto whined.

"…FIRE BREATHING BIKINI CAT FIIIGHT!" The four winced as hundreds, yes, hundreds, of men now gathered around them from the shrill cry, with cameras, popcorn, alcohol, and betting tickets. Oh… they were doomed…

Though Sasuke and Naruto didn't really mind the attention, it was just they way the attention was being given. They looked at each other and sighed, so much for gaining respect.

Kakashi looked like she was going to have a mental breakdown.

Pakkun… wanted his kibble.

And the men wanted a piece of each of them.

* * *

Kakashi lay in the road panting. Sheesh, this women body was out of shape! She only ran 50 meters while dragging Sasuke, Naruto and Pakkun, it would have been so much easier if she were a male again. This body wasn't built for running or Sharingans or jutsus or keeping a low profile, it was made for…  
Sexual pleasure.

"Gah… Naruto, when this is over… I'm going to drill you so hard with training… you're going to regret ever _thinking_ about a women's body…" Naruto's eyes widened.

"…You're going to make me gay?" Kakashi glared at her.

"No, scratch that, I'll just murder you…"

"Well… that was interesting," Sasuke mumbled while straightening her hair. "Where do we go from here?" Naruto looked up lazily down the street.

"I don't know- my place is right down ther---Oh crap, its team 8!" Yes, there were the misfits of team 8, Kurenai leading them with Hinata shyly walking next to Kiba and Shino bringing up the rear. Heading straight for them. Sasuke blinked and snorted.

"So?"

"They've seen me in this form before! Remember back in the academy before we graduated?" Kakashi sighed wearily, she wasn't moving from this spot. Besides, it was just a bunch of genins….

And Kurenai.

"…KURENAI!" Kakashi bolted to her feet and screeched as alarms went off in her head. "We have to hide!"

"I know! Where!" Naruto shook her head side to side, looking for something to hide behind.

"There! An ally," Kakashi announced while grabbing Naruto's arm and dragging both of them behind it. "Sasuke, get over here!"

"I'm not moving," She stated matter-of-factly while petting Pakkun. "They won't recognize me, I've never done this in front of them like you Naruto." Naruto clicked her tongue and began to plot ways of paying back the Uchiha. "And I don't stick out like a sore thumb with a mask, scarred eye and Sharingan that never turns off." Kakashi pouted.

"Traitor!"

"But your Sharingan eyes are still on," Naruto pointed out while grinning. "Besides, Kiba is a real animal… and you're in a bikini…" Sasuke stared at Naruto's shadow in the ally like a dead pan. Sadly… the moron had a point… but it wasn't anything she couldn't handle.

But that wasn't the idea. The real issue was whether she wanted to be stubborn and sit there or avoid any hell that could erupt by hiding with the other two women.

"I hate you two," Sasuke grumbled while standing up reluctantly and walking into the ally.

"Hm? I thought I heard someone call my name," Kurenai mumbled to herself while glancing back at her students. "What about you all?"

"My bugs heard it too."

"Baka! Bugs don't have ears," Kiba stated while sticking his tongue back out behind him.

"That doesn't mean they can't sense vibrations."

"Alright you two, don't get in a fight this early. Why don't you check if anyone's nearby, seeing as you three are virtually perfect with tracking?" Kakashi and Naruto began to sweat nervously. Kiba could surely sniff them out, and Hinata could spot them along with Shino's bugs, which could be anywhere.

"What do we do?" Naruto whispered as quietly as she could. Kakashi pondered for a moment, then looked down.

"I know," She mumbled back while picking up Pakkun. "Cover us boy," Kakashi tossed the pug out into the street and nudged Sasuke and Naruto in the side. "Let's go before they get suspicious!" Sasuke's eyes stretched out into large egg shapes.

"P-Pocky wocky buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo! How could you!"

Meanwhile Pakkun flopped into the middle of the road in front of Kurenai and grumbled a bit about his master before looking up and sheepishly smiling.

"Uhh… hey, have you seen Kakashi anywhere? He got mad at me for burying his headband and forgetting where I put it…" Kurenai chuckled while shaking her head but was interrupted by growling.

Akamaru leaped off of Kiba and tackled Pakkun head on, knocking the wind out of the poor animal. Sasuke gasped from the shadows as the two dogs quickly turned the brawl into a dust cloud fight, snarling and biting each other.

"Hey, Akamaru, quit it!" Kiba ordered while trying to grab his dog away. Sasuke's eyes began to tear. No! Anything but the cute little puppy! Ripping her arm away from Kakashi's grips, she bounded out of the ally and at Pakkun.

"PUPPY!" She tackled full force into Pakkun, scooping him up and skidding into Kurenai on the ground. Team 8 stared at Sasuke as she nuzzled her face into Pakkun's brown fur.

"Oh, poor wittle buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo! Are you alright?" Hinata twiddled her fingers and stared at the girl with wide white eyes. Where had she seen that hairstyle before? Was it back at the academy?

"Uh, excuse me, but who are you?" Sasuke blinked and looked up at the other red eyed female that just happened to be standing over her.

"I'm Sa---ahh…" She trailed off, realizing she was just about to tell the teacher exactly who she was.  
Or more like _what_ she was now.

"Sa?" Shino quirked an eyebrow.

Quick, new name. Uchiha Sasuke..  
What about Sachisu Ekuha? Meh, it would do.

"Sachisu, my name- my name is Ekuha Sachisu…" She caught herself while standing up and brushing off dirt, trying to look respectable now. "And you all," She asked awkwardly.

"I'm Yuuhi Kurenai; this is my team Hyuuga Hinata, Aburame Shino, and Inuzuka Kiba." Kiba picked up Akamaru and eyed 'Sachisu' wearily.

"Why were you cuddling Kakashi-sensei's dog?" Sasuke began to sweat nervously.

"Um, I, actually- Pakkun back me up," She whispered to the pug. Pakkun simply smirked.

"Yeah, I've never seen you in my entire life, lady. And my name is Pakkun, not huggle-wuggle-Puggle-poo."

"It's buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo."

"Puggle-wuggle-duggle-boo?" Kurenai asked and raised an eyebrow.

"No no no, buggle huggle Puggle poo," She recited slower.

"Buggle-snuggle-juggle?"

"I-I think it's huggle-buggle-guggle-poo…" Sasuke's eye twitched in annoyance.

"BUGGLE. HUGGLE. PUGGLE. POO. Is it really that hard? You all are as bad as baka Naruto," She growled irritably but slapped her hands over her mouth. Aww, shit.

All four, and Akamaru, stared at her. Baka… Naruto? Why did that seem familiar?

"…D-Do we know you," Hinata stuttered. Sasuke shook his head frantically.

"No! No, I, um, love puppies and I don't like, err, them getting into fights? Yeah, okay, I really gotta go, uh, bye!" Sasuke forced on a smile and took off like the triathlon 3000 just started without her.

"Hey! Wait; get back here with Kakashi-sensei's dog!" Kiba twitched while clenching his fists. So, she thought finders meant keepers eh?

"NOTHING pisses me off more than dog-nappers! I'll find her if it kills me! YOU HEAR! I'LL FIND YOU SACHISU!"

"Bark!"

"Calm down, Kiba, I'm sure Kakashi can handle his own—"

"Moron."

"What was that Shino! Say it to my face!"

"K-K-Kiba…"

Kakashi and Naruto turned to each other and blinked. Well… at least the distraction went off as planned. Now for the get-a-way, as they took off into the backstreets of Konoha…

* * *

Naruto couldn't remember such a day with so many surprises all crammed into 24 hours. Never. First it was getting stuck as a women, which was bad enough on it's own, then Kakashi lost his marbles and practically killed a bunch of perverted men, and now Sasuke was freaking out about Kakashi throwing Pakkun in the road to be torn apart by Akamaru and how 'insensitive' he was.

That was incredibly wrong in Naruto's mind. Especially after watching Sasuke treat Sakura the way he does daily. Neglect? Hah, he would know neglect, wouldn't he—err, she?  
But it didn't matter. Now he had to choose seeing Iruka-sensei in the afternoon for some Ichiraku ramen or jeopardize his dreams.

It was the hardest decision he—she had ever had to consider. Worse then launching the final blow at Haku, worse than facing Zabuza, worse than accepting the food offered to him by Sakura and Sasuke during his final test of becoming a genin.

Ramen. Or Hokage.

No offense, but she was still getting over the trauma of dealing with such options. She sighed as Sasuke continued to scold Kakashi.

"So where are we going," She cut the raven head off while pulling Kakashi aside.

"Well, since Iruka knows where you live and going into the Uchiha manor would be too suspicious…" Kakashi frowned underneath her mask and scratched her head.

"Your place?" Sasuke wrinkled her nose in disgust. Kakashi pouted.

"Hey, what's wrong with that?"

"Is it big enough?"

"…"

"No, it's not even big enough for the rest of our pack," Pakkun commented, referring to Kakashi's other dogs, while nipping her finger. "I better get my kibble for what you stuck me with! Look, I'm dirty, I wanna bath!"

"Will you stop complaining already? We've been turned into women and all you can think about is being groomed and fed!"

"Anything you want, buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo!"

"Sasuke, really, stop babying him." Naruto quirked a toothy grin.

"Don't you mean _Sachisu_, Kakashi-sensei?"

"Shut up, it's better than getting caught," Sasuke growled back.

"Sasuke had a point. We need knew names until we can return to normal…" Kakashi scratched her chin. "Hm…"

"Can I be Oturan Ikamuzu?"

"No, it's too apparent that it's spelled backwards."

"Yeah, dobe, we're in a ninja world, that's obvious at first glance." Naruto puffed her cheeks and pouted.

"Fine then, genius, what should I be named?"

"Rumato Nazuki seems blended enough and girly." Naruto gagged on air and spat on the ground.

"_Too_ girly…"

"I think its fine, and it has a nice ring." Kakashi nodded and ignored Naruto's protests and grumbles. "Yes, you'll be Nazuki. Okay, you think you could make me one _Sachisu_," She grinned under her mask as Sasuke glowered.

"Sure, if you refer to me as Sasuke between just us instead. Uh, how about… Hataka Kashike?" Kakashi nodded in agreement.

"Good good!"

"It's always about Sasuke, I'm so sick of it," Naruto moaned.

"How come you're good with everyone else's names but not mine," Pakkun complained. Sasuke smirked at Naruto before totally ruining the gesture by hugging the pug again.

"Because buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo is a cute name!" Naruto rolled her eyes.

"Oh yeah, I wonder what your adoring fan club would think of that?" Sasuke snorted.

"Don't be so loud, dobe _Nazuki_!"

"Shut up, bastard _Sachisu_!"

"Could you two—"

"Stay out of it _Kashite_-sensei," They growled at her simultaneously. She sighed and shrugged in forfeit.

"Whatever, you two just kill each other, I don't care anymore." Kakashi rounded another corner as the two women continued bickering until another woman with deep auburn hair flowing around her shoulders looked up at Naruto.

"B-Boss!" Kakashi blinked and poked Naruto in the shoulder.

"Naruto! Someone recognizes you, quick, we have to go!" She rapidly stuck her tongue out at Sasuke before nodding and beginning another mad dash past the other girl.

"Hey! Boss, get back here!" She blinked before returning to a slow walk and glancing back at the brunette.

"Wait one second… only one person calls me boss…"

"Boss, it's me, Konoha—" But before she could announce herself, she tripped on her own feet and fell into Sasuke who in turn back up into…

"Ah," Ino turned around and blinked at her 'crush'. "Watch where you're going," She snorted. Sasuke wrinkled her nose and humphed, turning back to the brunette.

"I thought Konoha was where we live, not a person," He replied coolly. Ino blinked at her while sizing Sasuke up.

"…Do I know you?" Sasuke twitched and turned back to her with a vein protruding from her forehead.

"NO, Ino, you don't know me—" She instantly realized her mistake and slapped her forehead. "I mean—oh, come on guys," Sasuke huffed while dragging Naruto, Kakashi, Konohamaru, and Pakkun away from the blonde and utterly confused natural girl.

"Sheesh," She muttered while continuing to tweak with a bouquet. The one day of the week she gets off from Asuma and her team and this is what she gets!

* * *

Naruto scratched the back of her head while looking up and down at Konohamaru once again.

"Well, at least you mastered sexy-no-jutsuuu—oww!" She winced as Kakashi knocked her on the head.

"Another victim Naruto?"

"Hey, I never thought this would happen when I thought of it and taught it to him!" Konohamaru shivered.

"I-I accidentally transformed in the middle of Iruka-sensei's lecture, now he's out looking for me!"

"Iruka-sensei's looking for you? Man, we really better high-tail it out of here. Kakashi-sensei, are we near your place yet?" She rubbed the back of her silver covered head.

"Uh-huh, we're here," Kakashi mumbled while pointing at the small apartment door up on top of another building.

Naruto grinned. Konohamaru sighed in relief. Sasuke shrugged but was secretly pleased at not having to deal with the other genins anymore.

"Home free! Last one there is a spineless nukenin," Konohamaru chimed while racing off ahead. Naruto twitched and followed in pursuit.

"Hey!" Sasuke frowned. Her brother was a nukenin, now, and even if something like this was trivial, she would not accept being shorthanded to Naruto OR following in Itachi's footsteps. Sprinting up ahead and grabbing Naruto by her pigtails, she planted her foot in the other's back and leaped up ahead of Konohamaru. Pakkun desperately grabbed onto her pigtails to keep from flying off of her head.

"Ah?" The brunette blinked as Sasuke landed in front of her and Kakashi's door.

"I win," She smirked proudly. Naruto grounded her teeth as she followed up behind Konohamaru.

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ABOUT!"

"Guess you're last, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke smirked, ignoring Naruto as Kakashi continued to bring up the rear sluggishly.

"Actually, the door is locked and I'm the only one with a key. Which means nobody's going inside without me so I'm obviously going to be the first person in." The other three blinked and glanced at each other. Damn her logic!

She only grinned while brushing them aside and opening the door. Instantly all five of them were bombarded with happy dogs, jumping on top of them, scrounging around, nipping their heels, sniffing them up and down. Namely Sasuke. Near her crotch.  
She blushed as an eye twitched.

"Kakashi-sensei, get your dogs to stop sniffing me or I'll knock their teeth out…" She scratched her head while ruffling their hair.

"So much for Ms. Dog-lover. Alright guys, knock it off and get back inside." With lots of whining and a few growls, the pack glumly trudged back into the apartment. And as the four women were about to follow inside themselves, Kakashi winced and grabbed them, hiding behind a corner.

"What's wrong now," Konohamaru questioned.

"I-It's my landlord," Kakashi trembled while pointing at the large lady poking her head from around a door and glancing around with narrowed eyes. "She's nasty and paranoid and I haven't paid for my rent this month! If she sees four girls she doesn't recognize going into my condo, there's going to be hell to pay."

"If we don't have a place to hide in one minute, there **is** going to be hell to pay," Sasuke snarled.

"So we need to get around her?" Naruto snickered mischievously.

"No worries! I'm the king of distractions!"

"I'll say," Sasuke muttered while rolling her eyes.

"Don't you mean queen, Boss," Konohamaru pointed out.

"Hush and watch a master at work!" She bounced out into the open space.

"Don't do it, kid!" Kakashi cried from behind the corner while covering her eyes. She really didn't want to see what was going to happen next.

"Hey, lady!" The landlord's beady eyes fixed on Naruto as she growled.

"Who are you, what are you doing here, I outta have you arrested for trespassing, you little skank," She rattled as Naruto just stared at her uninterested.

"Uh-huh, how about this for a token of apology!" Naruto, being the master prankster, full time troublemaker, and king of distraction he---she was known for, drew out her arsenal as any male-now-female-shinobi-punk would.

And pulled down her bikini bottom, shoving her white tushie in the air at the lady.

Konohamaru watched in awe while scribbling down notes on her arm. Her boss really was the best! But of course she was, Naruto was the only person she recognized as someone to honor and train under.  
She was definitely not cut out for Ebisu.

"I'm going to go crawl in a hole and die now," Kakashi sniffled miserably between her spread-apart fingers and watching her student with dismay.

"Not now, here's our chance," Sasuke announced, unaffected by Naruto's bluntness and nudged Kakashi and Konohamaru roughly in the sides. She dashed out before the two could complain and slipped inside Kakashi's condo around the landlord. Kakashi sighed heavily while dragging Konohamaru with her, seeing as she was still just an academy student and not cut out for sneaking around large women.

"Oh my lord, how dare you, I am going to call the police now, you just watch!" Naruto grinned while rolling her eyes and righting herself, dashing for the stairs. The lady continued while hissing various swears until she stopped at the top of the staircase. "Where did you go, you lil' repulsive—"

"Right here, lady," Naruto waved while kicking her backside and sending her tumbling down the stairs. She pranced back inside, fixing her bikini and chuckling.

"D-Did you kill my landlord?" Kakashi squeaked while poking her head out from behind the door. Naruto shrugged.

"Who knows?"

"I love you, you damn brat," She smiled nervously while opening the door for the blonde. The blonde looked at Kakashi strangely and then scratched the back of her head.

"I am great, aren't I?"

"Don't get too ahead of yourself."

* * *

A/N: Should I continue, should I just trash the idea while I'm ahead of the game? Tell me and I'll appriciate it. If anyone wants to see Sasuke and Kakashi in sexy-no-jutsu form, which btw, is hilarious, you cann go to and check it out from the Gallery section, Game Art. Or actually watch Kakashi use sexy-no-jutsu back at Nartuto under the downloads- game clips- narutimette hero 2. It's hilarious. :D


	2. Chapter 2

Summary: What… if… our favorite Sharingan users and masters of Sexy no jutsu… get stuck in their forms…? Why do the names Sachisu, Kashike, Nazuki, and Konobi sound familiar? It looks like the boys are going to have to call for backup after all! How long will they suffer?

A/N: Um, thanks for the reviews. I feel very loved, cookies to all. I would mention each and every one of you personally, but you know, that would take too much space, and there's that rumor that people can't address their reviewers anymore. Believe me, I feel hurt that fanfiction admin would keep me from making--eerr cough giving love to you all.

Lol, sorry, don't freak on me. O.o About the pics of them in sexy-no-jutsu form though, the link from my profile 1) does not work and 2) does not lead to that site. Since each individual picture is run with JavaScript, here's a link to the page you can find them on:

http/ on that page, and they're pretty obvious since the thumbnails show a lot more skin than any other characters. :) If fanfiction NET screwed up the link, email me at easier to contact you if I find a solution or whatnot. Or even if you have ideas, I am accepting ideas.

on that page, and they're pretty obvious since the thumbnails show a lot more skin than any other characters. :) If fanfiction NET screwed up the link, email me at it's easier to contact you if I find a solution or whatnot. Or even if you have ideas, I am accepting ideas. 

And I am kinda looking for a beta reader. Just for now, I might get one when I get back to school with my friends. Even then I might just stick with whatever beta reader outside of school I can find.

Ehh, other characters? Listen now, except for the even POSSIBLITY of Itachi, **_no one else will become a girl_**. Sorry, remember, my inspiration for this fic is really _visual._ Email me a picture and I'll think about it. As for the other nin finding their identities... some I can promise, some I cannot, and some I can tell you now will not happen ever. Such as Genma, Choji, Shikamaru, and Raido. I can't portray them at all. Sorry. Kiba, Sakura, Iruka, and Ino are promises. Everyone else is probably more vague. Tsunade is probably out too for the fact she isn't Hokage in this timeline. Remember: _pre-Chuunin exams_. Also meaning Lee, Neji, and Tenten are harder to squeeze in since none of the newer Genins know them yet.

* * *

CHAPTER ISN'T DONE YET! I decided to be nice and upload what I have been able to scrape together in my spare time for everyone.

* * *

Konobi… Saruhamaru Konobi

Konohamaru pondered long and hard about the name Sasuke had dubbed her while twirling cereal around with her spoon. Hey, if anything, this might end up being a great thing for her! No one groveling even though she got in trouble! No one putting her above punishment because she was the Hokage's grandson! It _was_ a perfect opportunity! She grinned while chewing on some more cereal and watching her Boss run by throwing toilet paper across the room as one of the dogs leaped up to catch it in midair.

"Woohoo! Kakashi-sensei's fast asleep 'cause of the Sharingan! Come on, Konohamaru, let's trash his place while we have a chance!"

"You sure, Boss? She is letting us stay here…"

"Yeah, but it's not everyday I get this kind of chance," Naruto snickered while dumping a box of books on the floor. Konohamaru smiled while pumping her fist in the air.

"Ai! Boss!" Konohamaru swatted the bowl off of the table and into a wall, shattering the glass and splattering milk on the floor. Naruto kicked the bathroom door.

"Come on, Sasuke, you've been in there forev—" Before the poor dumb blonde could see what was coming, Sasuke slammed the door open and snarled at her. "Finally, lets see what kind of things we can blackmail Kakashi-sensei with in here," She giggled while strolling past Sasuke, unaware of the dark presence drifting toward her.

---

"**_NARUTTOOOOOO_**!"

---

Sakura blinked awake and grumbled before rolling back in a comfortable position in bed.

She forgave whoever that was too for obvious reasons.

---

"Sheesh, could you three be any louder," A disheveled Kakashi in clothing far too big for her came around a corner and nearly fell over at the sight of the book strewn across the floor. She shakily began to scoop them into her arms. "Who dumped my books on the floor!" She glared as Naruto slowly stepped out of the bathroom with her hands in the air like a police officer had just pointed a gun in her direction. Sasuke also stepped out with her, kunais in each hand ready to kill.

"Chill man, what's your problem," Naruto growled while being pushed up against a wall. Sasuke's Sharingan glared daggers at her while flipping the kunai near her neck threateningly.

"Leave," She began while growling in the back of her throat. "Me…alone…" Konohamaru shivered and hid behind Kakashi. Holy crap, this one was scary!

"Boss!" Naruto stared at Sasuke, searching for anything to take and use against the prodigy but found herself content with smirking.

"Go on, tough stuff!"

"Knock it off, Sasuke. You too, Naruto. We're stuck with each other now, deal with it," Kakashi sighed and stood back up.

Being older and therefore still taller than the other girls, Kakashi could see further into his bathroom than Naruto or Konohamaru.

Far enough to see something quite distressing to the teacher jounin.

"Oh my—Sasuke, are you alright! No one attacked us on the way…" She frowned and moved over to Sasuke.

"What are you talking about Kakashi-sensei," Naruto questioned while raising an eyebrow.

"There's blood all over the floor in there!" The jounin yelled back as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Naruto moved away and peered into the room and, you guessed it, the deep crimson color was skewed across the linoleum flooring. No weapon in sight, well, other than the kunai pointing at her throat, but they were clean kunai so it was all good there. Kakashi moved over to Sasuke, who was starting to blush while mumbling things from embarrassment as her teacher looked her up and down.

"Where are you bleeding?"

To Kakashi's horror, Sasuke fidgeted and looked down.

Naruto and Konohamaru sat in rare patience that didn't often come to the two as they waited for Kakashi to stop flipping out and making such a ruckus with Sasuke in the bathroom.

"…Maybe something's wrong with her body." Naruto snorted while tucking her hands behind her head.

"I bet he did the transformation wrong and his spleen doesn't work." Konohamaru nodded in awe of her boss's intelligence. Who woulda thought that, especially about one's teammate? "Yup, Sasuke's gonna die--" Naruto yelped as a large bottle of shampoo came flying out and smacked him upside the head.

"Shut up, dobe!"

"What, pissed because you know it's true," Naruto retorted while holding her head. There was a moments silence then soft sobbing coming from behind the door. The blonde nearly fell out of her chair. "OH CRAP, YOU **_ARE_** GOING TO DIE?"

"NO ONE is going to die, now will you shut up?" Kakashi screeched before coming out of the bathroom looking very startled and unnerved, running a hand over her face. Naruto and Konohamaru sat in quietude for a little while longer before the brunette whispered.

"Really?"

"I… I always thought it was a myth," The teacher murmured quietly is disbelief.

"Well? What's wrong with him," Naruto huffed, not taking in the seriousness exactly.

"Sasuke… is having her," Kakashi swallowed and continued to use the word as if it was along the lines of defining that hell and purgatory does too exist. "She's having something women supposedly have… called a period." The two boy-now-women-looked at each other.

"Oh that sounds scary," Naruto rolled her eyes. As Konohamaru looked just as lost as Kakashi.

"Everything I learned in school is a lie," She announced bewildered.

"True dat, bro, true dat." Kakashi's mismatched eyes narrowed again at Naruto.

"Are you saying I lie?"

"Pfft!" Naruto rolled her eyes. "With the excuses you give us for being late, you should know your own answer!" Kakashi's bottom lip trembled... which was left unnoticed due to the fact she still was wearing a mask.

"I don't lie," She protested again.

"Can we think about the PROBLEM here!" The three of them paused and turned to face Sasuke's beet red face and twitching Sharingan eye.

"You mean getting rid of the prodigy," Naruto chimed before narrowly dodging a kunai with an explosive note attached to it. Kakashi and Konohamaru visably flinched upon realizing it, indeed, was explosive but not after Pakkun had pried it out of the wall with his teeth and chucked it out the, thankfully, open window. A very large explosion shook the room followed suit along with loud screaming and cussing from outside. The four of them were silent for a long time after that, just listening to the chaos going on in the world not known as Kakashi's condo.

"...You might've killed someone! No explosives in the house, Sasuke, and your period does not excuse that kind of behavior!" Sasuke slowly walked over and picked up Pakkun to huggle while staring threateningly at Kakashi.

"...I can get my brother to do horrible things to you."

"Been there, done that, bought the t-shit," Kakashi grumbled while rolling her eyes and reaching into a nearby box, pulling out, yes, a t-shirt with Itachi's face on it and the words "Itachi has done horrible things to me". Sasuke's glare at the object intensified even more when Naruto poked her head through it and started mimicking the youngest Uchiha.

"_Ooooo, look at me, I have a grudge against my brother 'coz he's done horrible things to me and now I'm going to mope around and piss everyone off_!"

As many explosions erupted suspiciously outside Kakashi's front window and startling many ninja who have been jumpy over the idea that the Sound was going to ambush any day now, a meeting was being held in Kakashi's kitchen.

"Any luck with that lock, Makoto?" The largest of Kakashi's band of dogs, Makoto, shook his head while his jaws were remained secure on the lock to the bottom cabinet door. Which also meant slobber flew into the other hound's faces. Not like any of them cared except Unki, the baby labor-doodle, the only dog Kakashi owned that never actually made a summoning contract with him, who whinned in futile protest.

"Shut up Unki, or you're not getting any kibble when we get the lock open!" Hiya, the unspecified terrior, growled at her. Unki whimpered some more while tucking the puff ball tail between her legs.

"Fine, but I'm telling master!" A different full bred golden labordor, Sora, tackled Unki.

"Don't be a taddle-tale, squirt!"

"This isn't going to work," Denki muttered while watching Makoto continue to knaw on the lock. "We need some sort of... copier, so we can copy the combination Kakashi uses..."

"Copy the Copy cat?"

"Rike a Rhringrn?" Makoto growled between his teeth, more spit flying from his large heavy lips. Unki shivered in disgut and strutted over to the other side of the room.

"Speak English dude, we didn't learn it for no reason," Sora sweatdropped.

"Oh, I think he means the Sharingan!" Denki chimed while wagging his tail. "Yes, that'd be perfect!"

"But... that's only for human with Uchiha blood," Hiya motioned with a paw.

"Yeah, well, Kakashi has a Sharingan and he's not an Uchiha, so that means there's no reason us dogs can't get a Sharingan! We just need to think about it..." Sora wagged his tail with Denki.

"And when in doubt, call Pakkun out!"

---

To be brief, Pakkun wasn't exactly in the mood for kibble anymore.  
Being closer to the window than the other dogs, he nearly lost his hearing and now, of all things, Kakashi was trying to save his pour soul by tearing him away from Sasuke. That would certainly be all fine and dandy, and Pakkun's never felt fine AND dandy about anything in his life, but this opportunity was being dashed because Sasuke was being a crazy, compulsive, obsessive, psycho, kunai throwing, explosion causing, Sharingan-using, bleeding woman.

Ode to the dog days where humans didn't have a single clue as to what he was saying and let him tinkle on bushes.

"Buggle-huggle-Puggle-poo wants to be with ME, dammit!"

"You're crushing him in your arms, that's nin-animal abuse!"

"Kakashi-senseeeeiiii, there's Sasuke's nasty blood on the toilet and I need to use the bathrooooommmmm..." Konohamaru sat and watched as the madness ensued, being completely content with not being involved and only with his popcorn. And chocolate syrup. Naruto's nose scrunched while looking at Konohamaru and the chocolate-covered popcorn. "That's just weird man."

"Okay, that's it! Release!" Kakashi yelled while slapping her hands together, making Pakkun disappear into smoke in Sasuke's arms. Sasuke stared in disbelief at her empty arms then snarled at her teacher again.

"You'll pay for that..."

"Hey, Kakashi-sensei, forget what I said, I have a better idea!" Naruto snickered while pulling down her bikini bottom again to come across a horrible re-realization.

She had no manhood. In fact, it looked like there was nothing there.

Which meant she couldn't _purposefully_ miss and pee on Sasuke's stupid Uchiha blood.

And it also meant she couldn't pee in the first place because she had no idea how.

"K-Kakashi-sensei," Naruto yelped while turning a shade whiter. "How do we go to the bathroom...?"

"So, they took your right to tinkle on a bush too, eh? Welcome to the nin-dog club," Pakkun muttered while peeking at the girls from behind the master bedroom door. Did this mean he was a peeping tom? Well... he'd probably rather not answer that.

Not like his master's habits weren't enough to make a conclusion.

* * *

To be continued... Promise.


End file.
